GENEVA – Scientists at CERN have begun an ambitious new approach in the search for the Higgs Boson by putting up lost flyers in the surrounding neighbourhood.
Particle physicist Brian Cox admitted that after so much time without a positive sighting, physicists had grown impatient with the Large Hadron Collider in favour of “a proven method of finding things”.
CERN have also offered a reward for the safe return of the particle responsible for all mass in the universe.
Door to door search
Cox confirmed the “team have been out all night” in the and would begin examining the results in the morning.
Although not wanting to get “bogged down in the science”, he did elaborate on the basic theory behind the revised strategy which involved “taking these posters and nailing them to as many lamp posts as we can find in this bloody town.”
Rolf-Dieter Heuer, director general of the CERN, was confident the flyers would lead to a discovery of one of the biggest mysteries in the scientific community – second only to the science behind what is keeping Larry King alive.
“There no doubt we have stepped things up in our search. Our phone number is on the poster too, so people will know where to call.”
He went on the explain the “dedicated response capture devices that have been collaborated to vibrate at the exact frequency required to indicate the presence of an incoming communication attempt from a member of the public.”
After half a century in search of the particle responsible for mass, the belief is that now, with over a thousand flyers set to go up over the next few days, the hunt may soon be over.
‘It’s out there somewhere’
In a bid to avoid any mishaps that have blighted previous attempts, the team at CERN revealed the addition of British consultant Sally Walker, eight, who found her cat following a successful flyer campaign in Buckinghamshire, UK.
“Sally has extensive experience in this particular methodology. having her on the team has given our efforts a real shot in the arm.”
The CERN director said it was just one of the methods being looked into, insisting there was “no chance of giving up until we’ve exhausted all options.”
“If the flyers do not show positive results within the predefined testing phase period, we can always try the back of milk cartons.”
Leave a Reply