PENNSYLVANIA – Republican presidential nominee Newt Gingrich is reported to have cheated on the United States after being found attempting to run for leader of North Korea.
Gingrich is accused of straying from his commitment to becoming US president in an attempt to become leader of the “younger and tighter” communist state despite being in a previously monogamous relationship with his 2012 presidential campaign.
The revelation will again raise questions over his ability to commit to a single political campaign.
‘I did it because I love America’
It is not the first time Gingrich as faced allegations of infidelity. In October he was rumored to have attempted a “more exotic” run for Bolivian president when his own US presidential campaign appeared to be dying.
“This is shameful,” said former vice-president candidate Sarah Palin who noted that “our allies” in North Korea have only just lost their leader “and Newt is already trying to move in.”
“What does he see in them anyway? I bet they don’t even allow unlimited campaign donations over there.”
Former front-runner Herman Cain was just as upset over the news, arguing that “I can tell this man is incapable of staying faithful to one leadership campaign.”
The news has forced Newt Gingrich to publicly address his indiscretions in an emotional press conference. Speaking with his campaign manager by his side, he explained that he had inquired about the about the leadership position “in a moment of weakness”.
“Yes I looked into it [becoming leader of North Korea],” he admitted. “I’m not perfect, but that affair is over.”
He insisted he was “fully committed to running for president of this country and this country only,” and pledged to uphold the institution of president through fidelity to the oval office.
“I am a one campaign man,” he added, vowing to “not even look at another office of leadership if I become president of the United States.”
Cheating
Political commentators have suggested this could be the end of his chances of a stable relationship with the United States.
“Oh it is so over,” raged political anchor Keith Olbermann. “The American people don’t want a president that can’t commit.”
“What if he becomes president and flies to Europe? There are like 27 countries he could be president of over there.”
“How do we know he won’t run for Prime Minster of Britain behind our backs, huh?”
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