PYONGYANG – New North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has had his start date for succession pushed back after IT reported “major tech issues” while preparing his work laptop and log in credentials.
Following the death of his processor, the new starter had been expected to take up the role of insane dictator imminently, but difficulties in getting the required hardware onto the network have proved more challenging than expected.
“We’ve tried the government sanctioned smart card and the government mandated USB token but neither is working correctly,” said the head of the North Korea’s IT department Bob Hong-Ki.
Technical difficulties
As the only computer in the country with intenet access, the laptop left by Kim Jong-il is crucial to the ability of Kim Jong-un to carry out his duties of living a life of secluded luxury while his people starve.
State officials admitted IT issues were affecting the succession plan, but attempted to play down the situation as “just some tech stuff”.
Privately, it’s understood Kim Jong-il had not allowed the state’s IT department to keep crucial software up to date and had only been updated once in 17 years. In addition to “tons of malware”, the IT team would “almost certainly” require the 11 day period of mourning to be extended and allow enough time to get the machine ready for use.
“It took us ages to clear the porn from the laptop, and it was still using Windows 95!”
State controlled media announced that once the machine was updated the IT department would run several diagnostics processes, including the installation of Missiles Launch Pro, installing McAfee, and making sure Solitaire was configured to win on every occasion.
‘IT are aware of the issue’
Has been advised in the meantime to think of a much stronger pass word as “nknukesu11” was deemed insecure and would likely leave the system venerable to security breach.
Leaders from the US and Britain hailed the reports of IT related set back to the oppressive regime, but also sympathised with the pitfalls of dealing with IT to get a new computer up and running.
A source inside the secretive nation indicated Bob Hong-Ki was “getting defensive” when asked to give a date on which the succession could take place. “Hey look, we’re trying as hard as we can here. IT isn’t as easy as it looks.”
The department leader also highlighted that “sitting around talking about the problem is not make it go away any faster.”
Leave a Reply