GOTHAM CITY – Crime fighting vigilante Batman has given evidence to the Leveson inquiry after discovering the Batphone had been hacked by News of the World journalists.
Despite being on an encrypted channel, the Batphone is said to have had a number of private messages left by Commissioner Gordon intercepted by journalists working on behalf of the now defunct newspaper.
“It was the only way they could have known what the Joker’s latest plan was before I did,” recalls the Dark Knight, who was also asked on a number of occasions to repeat his statements without the “unecessarily deep voice.”
Shadowy figures
The company is understood to have gained sensitive information about the Joker’s latest plots and left Batman even more broody than usual,” after learning of the privacy violation.
Recapping the moment he confirmed his suspicions, he described an encounter with an unnamed reporter in a dark alley in which a confession was extracted that made clear “messages left for me by the Commissioner about the Joker’s whereabouts were listened to without my knowledge.”
Blaming a culture of celebrity obsession, the caped crusader claimed interest in his private life dropped suddenly after the Batman and Robin movie, but picked up again following the release of Batman Begins – after which he testifies to being ‘hounded’ non-stop by the press.
During his two hour long session, he gave a scathing assessment of the industry, saying the habitual practise of obtaining another person’s private messages had brought into journalism a level of ‘toxicity’ he had not seen since the early days of the Ninja Turtles.
Gone too far
Following the disclosure, News International announced it would launch a review to determine the extent of the accusations, namely whether the phone hacking stopped with DC superheros or spread into Marvel universe.
“Our titles have campaigned in support of Batman over many years – even after Batman and Robin,” declared a spokesman for the company.
“If these allegations are true we are absolutely appalled and horrified. We will be contacting the Gotham City police department immediately to verify the situation.”
The testimony capped a tough day for the press. Becoming frustrated with the decline in journalistic moral standards, The Hulk promised to “Hulk Smash” any journalists found to be continuing the practise of phone hacking.
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