Al-Qaeda: US Must Better Protect Its Freedoms Before More Attacks
Ayman al-Zawahiri has launched a scathing attack against the U.S. for introducing legislation that “will make our job of terrorizing American citizens redundant”.
Month: December 2011
Santa’s Workshop Conditions ‘Exposed’ In Undercover Report
Santa Claus has publicly defended conditions inside his workshop following a five month undercover investigation into poor working conditions.
White House Names Armed Predator Drone As Person of the Year
The White House has selected its person of the year, giving the distinction to the individual they feel has had the most impact throughout the year: The predator drone.
S&P Downgrade News Of The World Scum Rating To “Regular”
Following reports the News of the World were not responsible for deleting voicemail messages of a murder victim, S&P have downgraded their rating from “abhorrent scum” to “regular old scum”.
Kim Jong-Un Succession Delayed Over IT Support Issues
Kim Jong-un has had his start date for succession pushed back after IT reported “major tech issues” while preparing his work laptop and log in credentials.
Newt Gingrich Caught Running For Leader Of North Korea
Republican presidential nominee Newt Gingrich is reported to have cheated on the United States after being found attempting to run for leader of North Korea.
Jury Sentences Carlos The Jackal To Life In NHS Nursing Home
A local court has convicted the international terrorist known as Carlos the Jackal and sentenced him to life in an NHS operated nursing home.
Mary Poppins “Still Missing” After Heavy Winds Grip Country
The Metropolitan police force have confirmed their search for Mary Poppins is ongoing, days after gale force winds gripped much of the country.
Nick Clegg: Britain Is Now The Nick Clegg of Europe
Nick Clegg has launched a scathing attack on David Cameron’s use of an EU veto, saying the Prime Minister risks turning Britain “into the me of Europe”.
Western Panic Eases After Chinese Missile Break Apart During Use
Fears over a growing Chinese military threat have lifted today after reports that several anti-aircraft ballistic missiles have fallen apart during repeat use.