TEXAS – The Federation of American Scientists have advised residents to evacuate the immediate area surrounding Rick Perry’s political campaign after warning it was very close to going into meltdown.
During last night’s Republican debate, the former Governor suffered a powerful blow to the foundations of his bid to become president which triggered a series of reactions likely to result in “full-scale meltdown.”
The scale of the impending tragedy is widely thought to leave Rick Perry’s political career uninhabitable for decades.
Clean up operation
Experts are now focused on moving enough people to safety before Perry’s campaign completely shuts down and starts leaking radioactive material over the political careers of those around him.
FEMA officials confirm they are on hand to mobilise response teams in efforts to deal with the impending catastrophe.
Charles Ferguson, physicist and president of the Federation of American Scientists gave a dire summary of the situation: “I saw the debate live and we should not underestimate the damage that was done.”
“We could be facing a meltdown bigger than Fukushima.”
The crisis is already being described as the worst meltdown since Chernobyl, and the situation is only expected to worsen in the coming weeks – especially if he takes part in any more debates.
Ray Sullivan, Mr Perry’s spokesman, initially tried to play down the damage but Mr Ferguson dismissed any notion the situation remained salvageable as “wishful thinking” and urged the Perry campaign to “evacuate immediately if you want to stay alive.”
‘Oh the humanity!’
Despite being an early front-runner in the GOP race, Dr Forrester pointed to several fundamental design flaws in the Perry campaign that – including an inability to generate the English necessary to operate in a post grunt environment – that have contributed to the dramatic failure.
“Frankly, I don’t know how he made it this far. This campaign is in stage four of a very serious meltdown.”
Prehaps worryingly, worst case scenarios have indicated the fallout would be so bad that it may leave the Texan’s children unable to run for president.
However, when compared with the unexpected disasters in the Ukraine and Japan, Dr Forrester said the saving grace in this current crisis was “that we can see this disaster coming from miles away and are able to save as many people as we can before it blows.”
“Thank God for that.”
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