WASHINGTON DC – Attorney General Eric Holder today revealed that US authorities have broken up a plot by Colonel Mustard to assassinate Mr John Boddy in the Billiard Room using a Candlestick.
Mr Holder said the alleged plot was a “flagrant violation of dinner guest etiquette” before confirming the colonel had been taken into custody and charged with one count of conspiracy to murder.
Colonel Mustard continues to deny any involvement in the alleged plot.
Cold-blooded plot
FBI Director Robert Mueller said: “Though it reads like the outcome of family game night, the impact would have been very real.”
Colonel Mustard was apprehended at Mr Boddy’s Tudor Mansion in the late hours of Saturday evening following a prior gathering attended by Professor Plum and Mrs Peacock among others.
The FBI had initially suspected Mrs Peacock in the kitchen with a monkey wrench, but this proved to be a dead lead after she was found to be fixing a leak.
“This conspiracy was conceived in the ballroom, planned in the study and would have been carried out in the billiard room had our agents not intervened,” said the FBI chief in an extraordinary announcement.
Mr Mueller was confident that “after examining all available clues, the right man is now behind bars and a terrible plot to end a life has luckily been averted.”
Hillary Clinton, the US Secretary of State, condemned the plot that “crosses the line” of what it meant to be a respectable dinner guest.
“You don’t attend a party in one room and then try to kill the host in another. You just don’t.” said Mrs Clinton.
‘Must have owed him money’
Joe Biden, the US Vice President made clear that “the United States is committed to holding Colonel Mustard accountable,” insisting the global community was “behind us because they can see the same clues we can.”
It is not yet clear what motive Colonel Mustard would have to kill Mr Boddy. Security experts are also unsure why he didn’t just use the revolver instead.
A spokesman for the White House spokesman admitted it took a while to figure out who the suspect was, but hailed the discovery as “a significant achievement by our intelligence and law enforcement agencies, and the president is enormously grateful for their exceptional work.”
It’s thought that President Obama would reward those involved in stopping the plot with an extra Get Out of Jail Free card at the next Monopoly night.
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