NEW YORK – Apple have been slammed for releasing a phone that looks identical to the last one, leaving insecure users with no visible way to demonstrate their social superiority to strangers.
The Cupertino based company released the phone to a chorus of disapproval from pretentious and insecure fans alike who are concerned they will have no obvious way to show people they have never met that they have bought the latest Apple technology
“What’s the point in buying this if no one on the subway can tell it’s the new one?” Questioned confessed Apple fan and Hummer driver Martin Fitzgerald.
Underwhelming release
Despite a faster CPU, revolutionary speech interface and improved the antenna for more reliable calls, many onlookers were worried that if they bought the device someone could still mistake them for a last-gen iPhone user.
Mr Fitzgerald admitted he feared that owning an iPhone that looked the same as the last one would do little to temporarily elevated his perceived value as much as his move from iPhone 3GS to iPhone 4.
“As soon as I whipped out my iPhone 4 for no reason people knew I was special. They knew I was somebody.”
New York native Ted Murray said that he would buy the new iPhone, and then wear t-shirt that said “I bought the new iPhone 4S” as a way to ensure people around him knew he had money.
Shares in Apple fell by almost 5% within minutes of the launch. Wall Street analysts indicated that both investors and Apple fans had expected the latest iteration to be something you could shove in the next guy’s face and say “ner ner n-ner ner I got the new iPhone.”
‘What’s the point?’
“This a huge misstep for Apple,” said analyst John Gruber. “The iPhone 4 has shown that people don’tbuy these things to make calls. They buy them to let everyone in a 10-meter radius know they are inferior human beings.”
In an attempt to reassure users soon after the launch, Apple released a statement on behalf of new CEO Tim Cook pointing out that “the smug look on your face when you buy an iPhone will make it clear to others around you.”
This was rejected by Mr Fitzgerald however, who said the look only lasted for “a week max” before wearing off.
“That’s nowhere near long enough to make me feel good on the inside.”
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