WASHINGTON – Confirming what many theatre goers have expected for months, United States President Barack Obama has officially declared Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark a “major” national disaster.
Obama’s declaration makes central government funds available to help people affected by failed storytelling and haphazard production.
The president also announced plans to personally visit the set to view the damage wreaked by the unmitigated critical failure.
Speaking to a press gathering, Mr Obama stressed the need for the country pull together “and get these people the help they need ASAP.”
‘There is still hardship to come’
The White House said that Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and Federal Emergency Management Agency administrator Craig Fugate would travel to New York to monitor response and recovery efforts.
“This is as bad as I’ve seen, and I’ve sat through Frankenstein’s opening night,” Mrs Napolitano said while visiting the state.
Other senior administration officials have made trips to New Jersey, Washington DC, Michigan, and as far out as California in efforts to ensure holiday makers do not to see the show.
In other places, rescuers have been ferrying thousands of people — including the elderly, children and babies — to ‘good’ Broadway productions to help them get through their ordeal.
Expressing the state’s gratitude, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said in a statement: “We’re grateful for this response. Our fellow theatre lovers who suffered greatly during this performance need to start rebuilding their lives now – not tomorrow.”
Cuomo said his office would seek to return money spent on tickets as soon as possible, calling it “the least we can do for people in this dark period.”
‘Too little too late’
Despite the welcomed response from the Obama administration, critics could not understand why the decision took so long.
“This show was a train wreck from day one,” said one disappointed ticket holder. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad these guys will be able to get the emergency aid they need but Obama took way too long to make the call. So much damage has already been done.”
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney agreed with the sentiment, marking it as another example of the president “dragging his heels when forced to make obvious decisions gravely affecting the American people.”
Romney went on to say that if elected president, he would cancel the show immediately and give all money back to the top 1% of ticket holders.
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