PARIS – In the run up to the 10th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks, France has quickly moved to raise their alert level to its highest position: ‘Surrender’.
The anniversary has brought to light a number of credible plots from extremist organisations including al-Qaeda, prompting the French government to raise the nation’s response level to one not seen since World War 2.
Speaking on national television, a shaken French president Nicolas Sarkozy said the decision to pre-emptively concede was necessary to ensure “we submit to whatever threat we are faced with at the earliest possible convenience
Sacré bleu!
Mr Sarkozy insisted the move up from the previous level of ‘Hide’ had not been taken lightly.”
“We stand on the eve of a very special occasion,” and one that “could see enemies of France plot to launch attacks to threaten our way of life and dampen our collective spirits.”
“To those that would seek to harm or threaten us in any way, we have only one thing to say: We give up. Take what you want. Merci Beacoup.”
Interior Minister Claude Guéant said critical government departments were already running through security drills in preparation for any hint of even the slightest threat.
He did not elaborate on the additional security measures taken, but did move to reassure the French people that should the unthinkable happen, “this country can be in the hands of the enemy in well under 24 hours.”
Mr Guéant continued: “We’re being pro-active to ensure that we are able to surrender ourselves as soon as is logistically practical.”
Besides the home address, the interior also issued a travel warning to citizens abroad over the weekend: “Should you find yourself under threat, please lay down your arms and let the aggressors do as they will.”
‘Everyone is on edge’
The warning is one of many being issued across Europe as leaders prepare themselves for the possibility of attack from extremists planning attacks to coincide with the 9/11 anniversary.
Reports from Germany indicate the government has received specific intel on several threats, and are discussing plans to raise their alert level to “Humorless arrogance.”
Elsewhere, authorities in Britain have already taken steps to raise the nation’s alert level to “Moan and tut”.
This is one off the highest level of “Phone and complain” but Prime minister David Cameron said there had not yet been sufficient evidence to warrant such drastic action.
I thought the highest French alert level was “collaborate”…