LONDON – After four days of violence and chaos on London streets, the rioting has been brought to an abrupt end after Metropolitan Police decided to deploy a squad of mothers to disperse troublemakers.
It was hoped this level of response would not be needed, but Scotland Yard officials have given the green light to mobilise the elite team of enforcers, each armed with a cold stare and standard issue belt buckle.
After only two hours of the operation, over 70% of the looters had been dispersed with many offering earnest apologies to shopkeepers for their behaviour.
Zero tolerance
Vans of angry mothers in bathrobes and slippers were sent to trouble spots including Tottenham, Brixton and Croydon to deal with the youths “in the most efficient way possible,” according to British Prime Minister David Cameron.
The scenes were replicated across London with scores of looters seen running for their lives in response. Cries of “Oh Sh*t! It’s mum!” could be heard in a number of locations as the operation got under way.
“The clean up begins now!” declared Mr Cameron. “Once we have dispatched all their mothers, these youths will feel the full force of the law.”
The tactic of deploying mothers of looters and those vandalising property proved to be effective as up to 1000 people had been smacked across the back of the head and told to “get in your damn room now and don’t come out until I decide what to do with you.”
Met commander Christie Jones said the measure was “admittedly one of the more extreme options at our disposal,” and was only put into practise as “we felt we there was no other way to deal with the situation.”
‘Just wait till your father hears about this’
Earlier, rioters hit back at claims they had no cause insisting they were “like dem mans in Egypt or whateva,” said unemployed Shaun Bennett, adding they were protesting for freedom against paying for things that people sell.”
He later withdrew his statement after being dragged back home by his mother adding, “I’m sorry mum, I’m sorry!”
One mother was beside herself with rage: “We’ve had enough of this nonsense. No child of mine is going to be on TV acting a fool. We’ll see who’s rioting tonight!
Police confirmed that softer options of sending in the army would most certainly no longer be needed and was even considering deploying the force of angry mothers to Afghanistan.
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