RWANDA- After widespread rioting in England this week, the African Union has confirmed it will send peacekeeping troops to prevent “these mindless savages” from descending again into violence.
Reports from the African Union’s Peace and Security Council indicate up to 3000 troops will be deployed to aid peacekeeping and humanitarians efforts in the strife affected regions.
AU chair person Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo said that many of the member countries have pledged to take an indefinite break from conducting their own civil wars to aid “those that could really use our help right now.”
Adult supervision
The ruler of Equatorial Guinea made clear that “our mandate is to ensure these terrible scenes are never witnessed again,” after admitting he could only shake his head in disgust during the worst of the violence.
He later added: “We cannot not sit back and watch these once proud people acting like they have no mothers.”
The AU insist they will only pull out of England when its mandate expires “or when these people learned some basic human decency,” whichever came first.
Nguema Mbasogo said with the troubled environment many looters lived in, it was no surprise it had come to this.
The poor conditions were evidenced by use of Blackberry devices, as any self-respecting people would have used an iPhone or Android based mobile device to coordinate their actions.
“We can understand the rage born from years of having to pay for things that cost money. But there are other ways to get around this kind of oppression…interest free payment plans and 0% balance transfers for instance.”
As well as the military intervention, they would also launch a fundraiser to raise basic necessities for local children so they wouldn’t have to resort to desperate measures like throwing a brick throw a window and grabbing what they could.
‘We will do all we can’
Nguema Mbasogo reminded potential donors that just 54,461 Guinea Francs a month would be enough to ensure a British child did not have to go to sleep without a 50 inch plasma TV.
With forces to be deployed imminently, some have admitted to being worried by the prospect of moving into such a volatile environment but would take the risk to help those in need.
“I blame the parents really,” said one troop member Mamadou Mbaye, though he refused to hold that against them and assured England that “Africa is here for you.”
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