WASHINGTON – In an unexpected twist, the Republican Party have announced their exit from the race for president to concentrate on making Barack Obama’s life miserable for another four years.
Along with House members, leading GOP presidential candidates have all pledged to put their energy towards figuring out the best way to turn the president into a shell of his former self before the end of his second term in 2016.
“We want our supporters to know that we are now fully focused on the task of bringing this man to his knees. Maybe make him cry a little too,” said former Senator Bachmann.
Breaking Obama
Having only recently joined the race, former Texas Governor Rick Perry said he was ‘extremely’ proud to step back from his bid to become president and “put our efforts it really messing with this guy.”
Perhaps acknowledging the irony of this new strategy, Mrs Bachmann explained that “yes we know that Barack Hussein Obama is a radical Socialist Muslim hell-bent on destroying our great country with his Marxist policies….but how can we constantly remind him of this if he’s not president?”
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was confident that under a second Obama term, the Republican party could finish the job they started and “completely break this man’s spirit.”
“As we speak, the president looks way to healthy. We aim to change that as soon as we can find another routine issue to endlessly debate him over,” he declared.
Cantor also confirmed he would resort to leaving flaming bags of doo doo on the White House doorstep and ringing the doorbell, “if it was required.”
‘Four more years!’
Sources within the party are hopeful this could be achieved within the first few months of Obama’s second term leaving them free to move to ruining the relationships with his loved ones.
John Boehner assured the media the party was in full support of the decision to dedicate the next four years to “making Barack Husein Obama sorry he ever came over here from Kenya.”
“This is we as the Republican Party feel we do best,” claimed Boehner. “We’re a sending a clear message to the American people that our only interest is making sure the Barack Obama wakes up every night in cold sweats. Nothing else matters.”
“To be honest, this is better for the party.”
“We don’t really know what we would do if we were in charge anyway.”
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