WASHINGTON -The United States have confirmed reports that it is to cut off Pakistan’s $800 million allowance ‘right this minute’, warning that it would also be grounded for up to a month for ‘bad behaviour’.
The tough stance came after Pakistan reportedly ignored a series of public warnings to obey the ground rules which included taking out the trash, eating it’s vegetables and stop aiding and abetting known terrorist organisations.
White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley told reporters: “We said in no uncertain terms that they could not see al-Qaeda anymore and then we find out they’ve been hiding Osama bin Laden in their room for God knows how long!”
‘Putting our foot down mister’
Daley said that the measure was the only way Pakistan would learn and “when they’re ready to apologise we can put this matter behind us.”
Already dealing with a rebellious Egypt, Secretary of State Hilary Clinton said she would be damned if “another pseudo-democracy propped up with our foreign aid money turns out to be a degenerate member of the international community.”
The decision to cut off the flow of money Pakistan received for doing chores around the Middle East threatens to deepen tensions between the two nations.
Pakistan, already angry with the US for constantly entering it’s room without knocking, branded the move as ‘lame’ and swore that even if grounded they would sneak out and go to see the Taliban anyway, adding: “Pffh! Whatever man, we do what we want. The US don’t own us.”
Tough Love
Foreign analyst and parenting expert Jessica Tavernaki expressed concerns this could be counterproductive and lead to Pakistan acting out in grander ways like pursuing closer ties with sworn enemies of the west, or dying it’s hair electric blue.
“We sometimes see when a developed country is too harsh on the corrupt nation it has been supporting for so long, that country can lash out in a number of ways – it’s a turbulent phase.”
But Mrs Clinton remained adamant there would be no backwards step, saying that “as long as Pakistan lived under our foreign policy it would obey our rules darn it!”
Wagging her finger ominously, she went on to stipulate: “when Pakistan grows up and stops doing childish things like providing safe harbour to terrorist masterminds then it can do what it wants.”
“But until then, they are so grounded.”
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