NEW YORK – As the scandal surrounding News Corporation continues, fresh reports have emerged confirming Satan to be the latest executive to announce his resignation from the company.
Citing the ‘increasingly perverse and corrupt’ company culture, the ruler of Hell has decided to step down from his position as head of global strategy with immediate effect.
He claimed that the recent incidents “put things into perspective to a point in which I just could not continue,” highlighting the hacking of murdered schoolgirl Milly Dowler’s mobile phone as something that made his decision “that much easier to make.”
Unexpected end
Satan is recognised as a close ally of Mr Murdoch since the Australian businessman signed over his soul as part of a deal to retain the services of the Lord of Darkness in the early days of News Corp.
The shock departure follows the recent resignations of News International chief Rebekah Brooks and long time partner Les Hinton. Though both were seen as integral to the organisation, it is thought the loss of Satan will prove the biggest blow to the media dynasty.
In an email to staff, he told of being especially disappointed to leave the organisation after so many decades of ‘great’ work.
“It is a deeply, deeply sad day for me. The fact I had no idea of what was going on is utterly irrelevant,” he wrote, adding: “I feel it is proper for me to resign from News Corp.”
Having defended their hire on several previous occasions, it was unclear what had prompted the Murdochs to accept the resignation of Satan so soon after the loss of other key personnel.
Speaking to an assembled press gathering, Rupert Murdoch said it was difficult to see “such a valued employee and personal friend leave the company at any time.”
‘It was too much for me’
Analysts were in agreement the fate of the company is now uncertain after the loss of such a key asset.
One expert summed up the situation: “We should not underestimate the influence this guy had behind the scenes of the News Corp. [Les] Hinton may have been Murdoch’s right-hand man, but Satan was his left-hand and two legs man for sure.”
Now a free agent, Satan revealed he has already turned down many ‘lucrative’ offers from Wall Street firms as he felt it was time to focus on the honest work of claiming wayward souls for eternal damnation.
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