NEW YORK – Dominique Strauss-Khan is said to be finding the level of irony in his treatment in jail difficult to take after reports of being taken by surprise, “bent over and f–ked” while on remand.
After years of treating smaller financially troubled nations like their own personal gimp, his defense lawyers fear the same treatment at the hands of New York’s roughest criminals may be more irony than their client could reasonably be expected to handle.
“We’re very concerned that someone will seek ironic justice, bend him over and pump him full of the same crap he’s used to forcing onto poor countries,” revealed Strauss-Khan’s lawyer Benjamin Branfman.
Taste the irony
Reports of Strauss-Kahn being subjected to an unexpected level of irony have resulted in his lawyers requesting he be moved to another facility where the chances of such ironic karma could be reduced.
“We’re appealing to the authority at Rikers to see that inmates stick to less ironic means of treatment such simple death threats or a light shanking here and there.”
It has also been suggested pleas from Strauss-Kahn to halt a recent assault after dropping the soap were ignored in striking parallel to protests from weaker nations calling for the IMF to halt being straddled from behind and forcefully hit with long term debt so badly a nation would never walk straight again.
‘We were worried this would happen’
Given the probability of Strauss-Kahn receiving repeated doses of irony, Mr Branfman expressed the need for expediency: “I hear they are bending him over and giving it to him good, just like the IMF’s conditions on financial aid do to sub-Saharan African countries. ”
“We’re worried that if his treatment in jail becomes any more ironic his head may explode.”
When asked what gave them the idea to enact such poetic justice on the head of an institution with a decorated history of repeatedly screwing over smaller nations, an inmate responded by asking: “Yo what the f–k is irony?! Get out my face with that grammar fool!”
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