WASHINGTON DC – White House hopeful Donald Trump has launched an unexpected attack on Osama Bin Laden, demanding he release his long form death certificate to prove he is really dead.
Osama Bin Laden has claimed to be dead for over 72 hours since being killed by US special forces over the weekend. More than enough time, according to Trump, for him to produce documented evidence of his demise and put the matter to rest.
“He was shot in the head and his body thrown out into the ocean, sure…but who’s seen the death certificate? What’s he waiting for?”
Burden of proof
Trump noted that he could file for bankruptcy twice in the time it was taking the al-Qaeda leader to produce ‘even a shred’ of evidence.
“Listen to me, I’m a really good businessman okay. I’m a fantastic businessman and I make a ton of money. So when I say things – any things, I know what I’m talking about and this guy is a fraud okay. Believe me, I know what one looks like. ”
He later added: “I’m very very rich.”
Seeking a resolution to the issue, the real estate mogul and mobile fox sanctuary even announced he had sent an investigative team to Pakistan:
“I got guys down in Abbottabad right now and you won’t believe the things they’re telling me. For one, ‘racecar’ is spelled the same forwards as it is backwards. Did you know that?”
‘Watch my show’
The failure by the 9/11 mastermind to produce a death certificate has raised suspicions among a number of potential Republican candidates including Sarah Palin – she admitted it was suspicious Bin Laden was taking so long to make his death certificate public.
“Gosh, I don’t know…maybe he is dead. But it would sure be nice if he would just come out with that certificate if he has nothing to hide.”
Donald Trump said it was time for Osama Bin Laden to “show some class and make the long form certificate publicly available right now,” claiming that he could release his death certificate within seconds if asked.
“Of course I’d release it. In two seconds I’d release it. If I were executed in a well drilled military operation, I’ll absolutely release it,” Trump said before confirming he would release his tax returns when he sees the death certificate, or when he gets arrested for not doing his tax returns, “whichever comes first.”
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