President Obama Defends No-Fly Zone In Angry Birds

WASHINGTON – Barack Obama has made his first formal speech in defence of the no-fly established by the United States in Angry Birds.

In a White House press briefing, the president looked to address criticism that the military intervention falls outside any reasonable remit of US foreign policy.

Since 2009, the Angry Birds have launched almost daily attacks aimed at destroying all green pigs resulting in hundreds of thousands of deaths and even more left fortress-less seeking refuge in nearby app Cut the Rope.

‘We have the moral authority’

Angry Birds representatives justified their actions as the only means of retrieving “eggs that rightfully belong to us,” but according to leading NATO members that did not excuse the use of such “extremely disproportionate force, especially when all diplomatic options have yet to be exhausted.”

President Obama said the United States had “a responsibility to act” and the timely actions have already “undoubtedly prevented the horrible attack of innocent pigs by these brutal, but visually appealing birds.”

Though praised by animal rights campaigners, the decision to intervene in Angry Birds served to highlight failures to act in similar situations such as the failure to prevent the Lemmings massacre of 1991.

If the current no-fly zone proved successful, there was scope to expand it to level 9 and beyond.

Any further assistance is almost certain to include arming the pigs and providing what strategists deemed ‘significant’ training, as the current tactic of standing motionless in one spot stacked on top of each other was proving woefully inadequate.

The UN mandate so far restricts any military strikes to giant slingshot installations only, but White House insiders believe the mission would not be over until the birds stopped being so angry.

‘No fingers on the ground’

“We’re facing an unprecedented deficit crisis and have now gone head first into Angry Birds with no clear exit strategy,” blasted House Speaker John Boehner, who questioned the wisdom of entering another conflict.

There were also fears the military could become addicted to maintaining the no-fly zone, neglecting other responsibilities as they spend more and more time and energy deep in Angry Birds.

While the mission parameters remain unclear, the president is likely to continue facing though questions over the decision to drag America into another military campaign.

“We may be able to protect the pigs on this level, but what about the next one or the one after that?” Questioned Boehner.

“How many damn levels does this thing have anyway?!”