SESAME STREET – In distressing news, the Cookie Monster is said to have suffered ‘adverse reactions to chocolate chip’ after a reported ‘wild’ cookie party at his home on Sesame Street.
The troubled children’s celebrity was rushed to hospital with severe abdominal pains.
A Sesame Street spokeswoman confirmed the Cookie Monster may be suffering from an “ad-dic-ti-on. Addict-tion. Addict-tion. Addiction!”
A 911 call was made at 4:35pm yesterday in which two Girl Scouts were seen leaving the scene with ‘lots and lots of empty boxes’. The Cookie Monster was later taken out with a towel partially covering his face while clutching a half empty box of Nutter Butters.
The incident is one of several in the downward spiral of Cookie Monster behaviour which has led to fears over the mental state of the googly-eyed monster.
‘He has a real problem’
Last July, Cookie Monster pleaded guilty to an assault charge arising from a violent altercation with Big Bird over the distribution of Banana Split Creme Oreo cookies, but avoided jail under a deal with prosecutors.
Though he has previously denied being a cookie addict, history has shown incidents of harassment in various cookie related disputes. Audio evidence in a separate court hearing highlighted threatening messages left on Bert and Ernie’s answering machine from a voice purportedly belonging to The Cookie Monster: “om nom nom nom nom nom…where are the fu*king cookies om nom nom…”
“This is textbook cookie addiction. Maybe he’s fooling the muppets around him, but not me,” was the damning diagnosis by psychologist Dr Francis Rubenstein. “Nobody can consume cookies at such a rate and not expect there to be deep, causal psychological issues that manifest further down the road.”
A Los Angeles county judge had previously warned Cookie Monster that he faced jail time when appearing in court again over the theft of 600 pounds of raw uncut cookie dough from a Downtown LA bakery.
“This case does involve jail time, period,” Judge Sanders said. “If you continue to make yourself a permanent fixture in my courtroom you are going to jail. Period. It may be an issue as to the amount of time, but you will end up incarcerated Mr Monster.”
Brought to you by the letter ‘A’
Although passionate about educating young children on the values of the letter “C”, his uncontrolled eating habits have marred a promising career.
Prehaps surprisingly he has found little support among his co-stars, the most candid of whom, Count von Count insisting it is “no surprise” to see Cookie in this state.
“He could never stop himself after just one cookie. Ah! ONE. One cookie. TWO. Two cookies. THREE. Three cookies. FOUR. Four cookies. FIVE. Five cookies. SIX! Six cookies! Ha ha ha HA HAAAA! He’s an addict.”
With his future uncertain, Dr Rubenstein recommend enforced quarantine for the star, cautioning against fans using their ‘healthy brains’ to try to understand what is going on inside Cookie Monster.
“He is a very sick individual and the fact is uncontrolled addiction ends up in jail, institutionalisation, or death. We could be seeing all three with the Cookie Monster.”
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