HOLLYWOOD – Straight to video specialist actor Steven Seagal has reportedly been left furious at being overlooked for ridicule in Golden Globe host Ricky Gervais’ opening monologue. The British Comedian shocked the assembled Hollywood audience to silence Sunday when he launched into what many agree was an mean-spirited, vulgar and unerringly accurate attack on the failures of the stars named.
Left out of the list was Mr Seagal, who is said to be ‘deeply offended’ not to be publicly credited for a string of woeful attempts to appear credible as an actor.
“Yeah I heard Rick’s (sic) opening act…I didn’t hear him say my name though. What’s up with that?”
Disrespectful
With efforts such as Executive Decision, Urban Justice and Half Past Dead under his belt, Seagal is perhaps understandably upset at the host for not taking the time to acknowledge his failures as an actor.
“I see [Johnny] Depp got a mention. The guy makes one bad film and he gets slated for it. I’ve been making crap for decades and nothing. Do I have to make another Under Siege? Huh? Because I will…It’s not like I have to prepare or anything. I can have that sequel wrapped up and straight to DVD in a month.”
Steven Seagal is just one of the many Hollywood flops angered at being overlooked for ridicule. It’s felt that a mention would have been the closest he would ever get to being recognised for his work by his peers. An opportunity that now looks to have passed.
‘Did Pistol Whipped mean nothing?’
“I was in Street Fighter for God sake!” blasted Jean Claude Van Damme, “and Ricky didn’t say a damn thing about me. It might have been 17 years ago, but it’s still a piece of sh*t today…I don’t get credit for that?!””
Seagal later added: “If you think Charlie Sheen is a train wreck then you obvious ain’t seen my movies Ricky.”
Despite making ill feeling towards Gervais, threatening to force the Brit to act alongside him in a remake of Kill Switch, Seagal said he would not let the oversight distract him from making trash and hoped that his latest project would be completed in time to be slammed by the host of the 2011 Oscars ceremony.
“It’s going to have big guns, bigger explosions and me as an ex-cop kicking around racial stereotypes half my age for some reason! POW!”
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