WASHINGTON – Republicans have wasted no time in setting their agenda for the new year by threatening to block all legislation until Barack Obama agreed to install a bouncy castle on the floor of the House of Representatives, a move which would drastically hinder the Democrats attempts at running the country or getting through to the lobby.
House majority leader John Boehner has also warned Democrat House members that they would also push for cake and ice cream to be served whilst the bouncy castle is in operation. “And not just any ice cream either. We want the good kind…that means Ben and Jerry’s!”
‘You already gave us tax cuts’
Many new Republican members have barely been sworn in, but are already making it clear that the installation of the inflatable plaything will be a big priority for them. Political observers agree that recent attempts to block legislation until Bush era tax cuts were extended for the wealthy has given Republicans the confident to try the tactics again for something of equal benefit to the country.
Boehner continued: “While there are other items that might ultimately be worthy of the Senate’s attention, we cannot agree to prioritize any matters above the critical issue of having a place to kick our shoes off and acts like little kids for the next two years,” a sentiment backed by all 42 GOP senators in a letter to Democrat Leader Harry Reid.
The 42 signatures – written in crayon – are more than enough to block action on almost any item the Obama Administration wishes to advance.
‘No castle, no progress’
The president branded House Republicans as ‘childish’ and called on the to stop putting the American people hostage for the sake of cake and ice cream. Though admitting that Ben & Jerrys was ‘some damn fine ice cream’, Mr Obama stated that he could not allow the the legislative process to be held up for a tub of Chunky Monkey.
He added. “My hope is that John Boehner and Mitch McConnell [Senate GOP leader] will realize that there will be plenty of time for cake and ice cream once we fix the economy.”
Demonstrating the same rhetoric that saw a 2010 mid-term victory, Boehner made it clear that no compromise will be considered, and no further legislation will even be looked at ‘until we see a damn bouncy castle on the floor of the House.’
He then stuck his fingers in his ears and screamed: “Lalalalalalaaaa.”
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