HOLLYWOOD – Saudi Arabia is the single biggest contributor to the funding of ‘truly awful’ Lindsay Lohan movies and is unwilling to cut off the money supply, according to a leaked note from Hillary Clinton — running into millions of dollars and a handful of horrible viewing experiences.
The US Secretary of State says in a secret memorandum that donors in the kingdom still “constitute the most significant source of funding to those God damn films” and that “it has been an ongoing challenge to persuade Saudi officials to recognise them as terrible by any standard and she should not be encouraged to continue acting. Ever.”
‘Don’t they read the scripts?’
Saudi Arabia is accused of failing to prevent some of its richest citizens financing the production of titles such as Georgia Rule, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and Labor Pains. It’s alleged that producers regularly travel to UAE to take advantage of its weak sense of what makes a good film.
Similar leaks have also occurred from IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, and every critic who saw I Know Who Killed Me. It’s understood that much of the funding supposedly for Islamic charities had been siphoned over years to aid the production of a string of box office flops.
“The Saudis have really done it now,” noted Republican House speaker John Boehner. “Georgia Rule?! What were they thinking giving money to that train wreck. Now we know where the money is coming from, the Obama administration needs to come down hard on this.”
Vicious circle
Saudi authorities had made some high-profile arrests in the last two years, wanting to appear proactive on the issue. Other cables obtained by WikiLeaks describe details of the arrest of 44 fund-raisers “to deter potential donors from giving money to suspected producers of any of her movies.”
This appears to be just the tip of the iceberg however, and movie-goers are now demanding a tough stance from the government that would lead to an end to the recurring box office nightmares.
“Freaky Friday was decent and Mean Girls was okay if you like that sort of thing, but the rest should be brought to an end as a matter of national security,” claimed one critic who observed that “we’re spending money to see these films so we can rate them badly. That money then goes back to the Saudis so they can finance more of her movies! It’s a death spiral.”
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