IVORY COAST – Count Vladimir Elysius von Chocula aka “Count Chocula” has called for the disputed leader to step down for the sake of political stability.
Count Chocula spoke at a press conference alongside General Mills delegates Frankenberry and Lucky the Leprechaun.
The single-toothed, emancipated vampire said: “What’s happening in the Ivory Coast is a travesty that needs to be brought to a peaceful conclusion in the quickest manner possible…bluh!”
Objective outlook
Critics called the intervention by Count Chocula the latest effort to unseat Ivory Coast incumbent president Laurent Gbagbo.
Count Chocula also reminded assembled reporters that with the great combination of chocolate goodness and marshmallows, his cereal was a great way to start the day no matter your age or ethnically charged political affiliation.
The cereal bloc said it made the ‘ultimate gesture’ by sending the Count to try to persuade Mr Gbagbo to step down peacefully. A spokesman warned however that they would not shy away from force, threatening to also send the Cocoa Puff bird to the country if necessary – a scenario Count Chocula hoped could be avoided.
“We don’t want to escalate, but we will if necessary for the long term stability of the country…bluh!”
Part of a balanced breakfast
Sonny the cukoo bird called the violence “a particularly crunchy episode of a country with such great chocolatey people that needed a peaceful resolution before things get really munchy.” He added shortly after that he was “cukoo for Cocoa Puffs!” before storming away from our correspondent with a ‘crazy’ look in his eyes.
Despite the Ivory Coast being “on the brink of genocide”, Mr Gbagbo has so far remained defiant and rejected Count Chocula’s offer of negotiations over a bowl of cereal, accusing the walking dead chocolate fiend of lacking sincerity.
“He seems interested in my country only when chocolate is at stake, why is that? Could it be he is concerned for his cereal I wonder?” questioned Mr. Gbagbo while eating a bowl of oatmeal.
“I can never trust empty words of such an untrustworthy character, especially one with an obvious over-dependence on chocolate.”
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