ALASKA – Sarah Palin has dismissed reports linking her potential presidential run in 2012 to the Mayan doomsday prophecy. New evidence has been shown to demonstrate that a decision to run for president would lead to a phenomenon known as ‘monumental lapse of political voter judgement’, resulting in a Sarah Palin-Christine O’Donell victory and the end of human civilisation thereafter.
An astrologist warned: “If Sarah Palin becomes president of the most powerful nation on the planet….our simulations show the world sliding into oblivion pretty soon after in the most clear causal relationship we have ever seen here in the lab.”
Mrs Palin – who believes Alaska’s proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience – laughed off fears from experts as more ‘lamestream media’ nonsense.
The prediction was brought to mainstream attention in the movie 2012, which astronomers, anthropologists and astrologers alike believe distorts the message of this ancient prophecy by failing to make mention the global disaster scenario that is Sarah Palin becoming Commander in Chief of the most powerful military in the world, instead associating it with less substantial threats like earthquakes, balls of fire falling from the sky and a 90 minute movie with zero character development.
End times
Skeptics have already made attempts to debunk the theory saying that it is metaphysically impossible for a politically incompetent media whore to become leader of the free world.
As the Mayan civilization was were slaughtered in similar fashion to Democrats during November’s midterm elections, the exact reason for the resetting of the 5000 year calendar was never made clear. But having consistently demonstrated her complete incompetence, a President Palin would appear to fit the role of catalyst.
The former governor – who equates universal health care to the establishment of ‘death panels’ – said she was not concerned by her potential to destroy mankind, having not read the prophesies or anything that wasn’t written down on her palm.
However, this hasn’t stopped concerned Republicans from trying to prevent a Palin presidential run for fears that the end of the world “would put a serious dent into our plans to extend the Bush tax cuts into 2013.”
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