REPUBLIC OF IRELAND – Irish PM, Brian Cowen, has hailed the €90 billion [roughly $600 trillion] bailout loan which will be spent on tickets to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, after it was feared the country’s dire economic situation would leave millions unable to afford the €8 ticket to see the movie.
Officials in Brussels said the loan would bring an end to the uncertainty by enabling each individual to see the movie, which smashed UK weekend box office records, ‘two or three times over if they wish’. There is also is also a contingency fund for the future purchase of Harry Potter merchandise over the next few months.
Cowen conceded the hype surrounding the movie necessitated the need for the bailout to be accepted, saying: “I’ve got four million angry, slight drunk Irish people who really really want to see this film. What other option do I have?!”
A matter of closure
The opposition, in the form of Green Party leader John Gormley, blasted the decision to take money just to see the 7th movie of the wildly successful franchise, expressing doubts over the ability of a now older cast to continue putting in believable performances while also questioning the decision to split the final book into two parts, possibly requiring another bailout come July.
An EU handout would be seen as a loss of face for the republic, essentially meaning that it’s ability to see the latest blockbusters was now dependant on Brussels, who are known to have ‘questionable’ taste in films after suggesting Greece spend their loan on tickets to see The Back-Up Plan.
Mr Gormley joined was angered by the way Prime Minister Cowen has handled the crisis and called for any loan to go towards tickets for Colin Farrell’s new movie instead, arguing that the money would be better spent on a ‘local Dublin boy’ rather than 120 minutes of ‘flippin’ witchcraft’.
However, advisers said the Irish government could not conceivably go against the advise of Eurozone partners, Central Bank and Rotten Tomatoes, who said the film was ‘well worth spending any bailout amount on’.
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