DENVER – Barack Obama and 33 other Democrats have trapped themselves inside a Colorado mine in an astonishing attempt to boost voter sentiment ahead of November’s midterm elections. It was feared the group fell victim to a tragic accident, with early reports suggesting they were underground searching for remains of the fortitude that saw them take control of the country in 2008 having failed to find it anywhere else since.
This theory was however dismissed by the president via video link from 1000 feet beneath ground, confirming the move is a calculated appeal to sympathy voters in a last ditch effort to counter a resurgent Republican base.
“This is a fine hole we’ve dug ourselves into…very fine,” commented an optimistic Barack Obama, who laughed away suggestions that digging yourself into a hole may not be the most sound campaign strategy. “Look, we’ve lost the black vote, the center vote, hell we’ve even lost the Democrat vote. We may as well just keep digging and hope things turn around.”
Surprisingly, Republicans have also backed the move making it the first bi-partisan agreement of Obama’s presidency.
‘It just might work’
In addition to the president, whose approval rating has plummeted faster than Mel Gibson’s chances of getting work in Hollywood, Harry Reid, Ted Strickland and Nancy Pelosi are just some of the Democrats taking part in the unconventional campaign. President Obama confirmed they would remain in the mine until a few hours before voting opens to capitalise on the ‘inevitable outpouring of sympathy’ from concerned onlookers across key states in which they currently trail.
Party supporters have been left confused by the strategy but were forced to admit that whatever the Democrats are doing would likely be an improvement over what they’ve been doing for the past two years, which pundits remarked as being like ‘watching a snake eat it’s own tail’.
It still remains to be seen what effect an extended stay in a hole this deep will have on party mentality. Political analysts have voiced concerns the Democrats could become so conditioned that even if their audacious plan succeeds, they would just end up digging themselves into an even bigger hole in time for the 2012 elections.
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