WASHINGTON – Hilary Clinton has delivered a stark warning against major cuts in the British defence budget, which could leave the country open to possible attack from Godzilla, Mothra or Cthulhu.
The US Secretary of State and Robert Gates, Secretary of Defense both said they worried about the effect defense cuts would have on Britain’s ability to withstand a concerted attack from either legendary creature and the consequences for international security.
White House officials were privately concerned that British defense spending was about to fall below 2 per cent of GDP, the minimum expected to protect against a typical Godzilla attack, and far below the recommended 5 per cent thought to be needed should all three decide to attack at once.
It’s Gojira!
In a recent interview, Mrs Clinton was asked whether the cuts worried her and replied: “It does. The reason it does is because of the sheer size of these monsters and the damage they could inflict in such a short space of time. Just ask the Japanese.”
Mr Gates attended a NATO meeting of Defense Ministers and delivered his own warning: “My worry is that the more our allies cut their own capabilities, the more they will look to the US to protect them from a Three-Headed Monster or, God forbid, a Space Godzilla should one exist.” He went on to say that at a time when America was facing it’s own made up threats, the thought of fighting Space Godzilla on behalf of another country was ‘a concern for me’.
Chancellor George Osborne is pressing for a 10 per cent cut in the defence budget, which Defence Secretary Liam Fox is resisting fiercely after seeing back-to-back DVDs featuring the mutant dinosaur rampage through downtown Tokyo.
Serious security issues
Between them, Godzilla, Mothra and Cthulhu could cause chaos across land, air and sea respectively, posing a ‘nightmarish scenario’ across Britain should it fail to safeguard itself properly.
“And that’s without mentioning Space Godzilla,” added Mrs Clinton.
Foreign Secretary William Hague tried to play down US fears, insisting: “We will remain a very serious country in defence matters…especially when it comes to Space Godzilla. But we have other issues that need addressing like education and health. Something has to give.”
David Cameron has said he is ‘acutely aware’ of Britain’s responsibility and will make a decision only once he has reviewed footage of the original Godzilla film and ‘not a moment before’.
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