LIVERPOOL – In a bid to prove his worth, Nick Clegg has hailed the ‘good things’ he has achieved with the Downing Street decor since forming the coalition government.
Speaking from a specially constructed annex of the Conservative conference hall, Clegg reminded Lib Dem delegates he has in fact had a ‘major’ impact at Downing Street despite talk of the contrary.
He claimed to be proud of his valuable contributions made whilst serving as David Cameron’s deputy, like the time he choose to go with the Feathersound lined panel drapes instead of the ‘cheap looking ones’ when shopping for furnishings.
Valuable asset
“I’ve managed to redo the paintwork, improve the plumbing and put in some smashing curtains in the windows. Don’t try and tell me I haven’t had an impact.”
However, Clegg was forced to acknowledge he was in for a “rough ride” trying to furnish the rest of Number 10 with tough spending cuts ahead.
A recent survey showed Liberal Democrats only slightly more popular than Herpes as supporters continue to show disappointment over the party’s failure to live up to the hype of the General Election, but Clegg urged doubters to keep faith as he planned to implement some ‘amazing feng shui techniques in the coming months’ that would demonstrate his relevance to Downing Street.
‘Nick has been a lifesaver’
He also pointed to strides made to tackle the deficit, planned improvements to education and meeting foreign leaders as things that couldn’t have been done if he wasn’t there to “keep things tidy and make sure food was on the table when David came back from a hard days work.”
In a show of support, David Cameron applauded Mr Clegg for his fine work decorating and insisted there will be an increasingly integral role for him, especially since the birth of his daughter:
“Babysitters are so expensive these days,” he said.
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