UNIVERSE – God, the judeo-christian deity long attributed with creating the universe, is said to be considering legal action after reacting angrily to claims by Stephen Hawking He had nothing to do with the Big Bang.
In his new book, the physicist concluded the Big Bang was an inevitable consequence of the laws of physics and it’s this sentiment that has the Almighty so worked up.
“Where does he get off discrediting my work like that?!” said a vengeful God who urged retailers not to stock copies of The Grand Design. “I better not see his book next to mine or there will be trouble.”
Known for his reclusive nature, God usually does not make direct statements – preferring to speak via religious leaders and megalomaniacs – but has felt it necessary to respond to the ‘trash masquerading as fact’ in Hawking’s book. “Get this…’Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing’…and who do you think created gravity Stephen? That’s right, me!”
Mysterious ways
Speaking from a burning bush, He confirmed he was considering his options and has assembled a legal team composed of Micheal Jackson’s attorney, the ghost of Jonnie Cochran and the D.A. from Law and Order.
“I’m prepared to take this all the way to court…or I might just let loose a plague of locusts.”
In a show of mercy however, He has given Mr Hawking seven days to take back the imflamatory comments or face consequences, legal or otherwise. “I scarified my own son to prove a point, and I wasn’t even mad then!”
God also took time to distance himself from Goldman Sachs after claims they worked for Him during the global financial meltdown. “I didn’t commission that. No one at Goldman ever spoke to me. How dare they use my name.”
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