HOLLYWOOD – George Lucas has announced he has discovered a new way to exploit the Star Wars franchise for ‘big bucks’ by releasing it in 3D.
A statement on the Star Wars website said: “The cutting edge conversion will take the feeling that you’re being ripped off again and again to the next thrilling level.”
Lucas had reportedly delayed converting the Star Wars movies into 3D until there were enough ‘suckers’ available to sell to and now feels that 2012 is the right time. “Getting people to repurchase something they’ve already bought is a matter of taking the time to let them forget they even own the films in the first place,” he said.
The news is a boon to fans who have already been financially squeezed dry and are looking forward to a similar experience in a new dimension. “I can’t wait,” screamed one fan. “Maybe it’ll be like the time he sold us the 20th anniversary box set…oh oh, or more like the time he made us buy the same set 10 years later. Oh, the memories.”
‘Money please’
When asked why he chose to wait for the re-re-re-re-release in 3D over the easier option of shaking down fans in the street for money, Lucas admitted that option ‘was on the table in the early stage dicussions’ before deciding to go with something ‘a little more classy’.
Poor conversions of recent 2D films, such as the Clash of the Titans had prompted fears for the quality of 3D Star Wars, but Lucas assured fans that the proper time and effort was being spent developing the most superior way to further rape the franchise for all it was worth.
He also revealed that talks are underway to produce a special edition smell-o-vision Star Wars box set for release whenever he needs the cash.
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