ENGLAND – In anticipation of a bleak employment market, the UK government has outlined it’s plan to provide ‘extensive training’ to help graduates adapt to life on the streets once the education system fails them.
With unemployment rising amongst young people, the government is expecting an influx of untrained homeless recruits in the coming decades and David Cameron has pledged to help future generations adapt to their jobless future.
Fears of dwindling graduate job opportunities have prompted talk of a lost generation, but ministers are confident new training initiatives will enable young people to achieve a “fulfilling career on the streets”.
The plan has proved popular amongst university leavers faced with no alternative but to pick up a cup and poorly lettered sign to earn a decent living. “They’re the only industry hiring.” said graduate Jason Simmons. “I just sit around doing nothing anyway, might as well earn a living from it.”
The scheme was backed by London Mayor Boris Johnson who praised his city for leading the way in the ‘flourishing’ homeless sector.
A bright future ahead
The courses will teach students to look forlorn and instill a feeling of guilt in passers by. They will also learn to buy booze on a literal shoestring budget and the proper way to defend territory from colleagues and stray dogs.
“Some of these guys show up brand names and a smile on their face then wonder why no one is dropping pennies in their cup” complained Bill Tompson, a homeless person with 15 years experience on the streets of London and abroad.
“The government is doing the right thing preparing these kids for a life with no prospects.”
Should the scheme prove successful, Mr Cameron will likely appoint a minster for homelessness and extend the scheme to younger students aged 11-16. “You’re never too young to prepare for your future.”
Leave a Reply