SESAME STREET – Bert has issued a statement condemning rumours of an improper relationship with male co-star Ernie as ‘utterly false’.
In an emotional press conference, Bert made clear nothing was going on between himself. He insisted he, Ernie and Rubber Duckie were just friends. The Sesame Street resident made clear he had ‘never ever, ever’ been in a relationship with another male puppet.
Bert said he felt it necessary to make the statement after years of speculation reached fever pitch when a series of compromising pictures leaked on the internet.
“Those were taken completely out of context” he insisted. “I don’t know about Ernie, but I am definitely not gay. There.”
The two purportedly heterosexual puppets have lived in the same basement apartment room for decades, leading to repeated suggestions they were more than just friends. This was dismissed as nonsense by Bert, saying: “If we had known sharing a room would have implied anything we wouldn’t have done it”.
He went on to blame the high cost of rent on Sesame Street as reason why he has yet to find his own place, a move that would no doubt help end speculation.
Mixed messages
They have received much support from fans and fellow residents alike, including Big Bird who has given Bert his “100% support. That was the case yesterday and it is the case today. Even if he was gay, which he’s not” The Cookie Monster was also due to give a show of support, but was unexpectedly checked into an addiction clinic instead.
Not everyone on the street has shown such support however, with Oscar the Grouch criticising Bert’s announcement as “foolishly validating rumours”, adding he wanted nothing to do with them “or anyone else on this God damn street.”
Bert also used the opportunity to deny alleged affiliation with Osama bin Laden and involvement with the JFK Shooting.
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