GROUND ZERO, NY – Angry Republicans have blasted plans by Muslim street vendors to increase the number of falafel carts to compete with hot dog, burger and ‘other meat’ carts in the area. The decision was taken to increase their presence in popular tourist destinations around the country and, helping income in a weak economy. The controversial plans have been called ‘an unacceptable attack on barely cooked American street food’ by high profile Republicans who liken the move to ‘spitting in the buns of American values’.
Opponents say falafel meat must not be allowed to subvert the American diet and have called on the USFDA to label it a health risk and ban it from sale. Former Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin wrote that “to put up more falafel cart so close to Ground Zero is a stab in the heart of American vendors who spend everyday dusting down American hot dogs and burgers so we don’t notice they’ve been dropped on the floor.” She went on to call it “an indigestible mistake on hallowed ground that should be refudiated in the strongest possible terms.”
Michael Bloomberg has supported plans, insisting the freedom of foods must be respected and noting the “ability to eat anything you want on a street corner was one of the real reasons America was founded.”
Critics point out that most Americans oppose the plans based on not understanding what falafel is, although one poll suggested that more people in Manhattan itself supported than opposed it because it was a tasty alternative when the Taco guy doesn’t show up.
The situation highlights the growing fear of Halal meats taking over traditional American menus. “They’re going to put carts every few blocks until the whole country is surrounded. It’ll be like Starbucks, only evil because it’s Muslim.”
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