PHOENIX, AZ – Arizona officials have condemned proposed plans for the construction of a 4,200 square foot, single storey Taco Bell ‘down the street’ from a Popeyes Chicken and Biscuits restaurant.
The controversial building, which will feature employee parking spaces and children’s playground, has been called a poke in the eye of profit margins by senior management.
“I’ve worked here for six months and eight days and I’ve never been so offended. I can see them from the window!” said Jake Newman, 22. “Giving customers increased choice puts our minimally skilled and even more minimally paid workforce at serious risk of being laid off.”
Popeyes supporters believe building so close to an existing branch is an insult to ‘hallowed’ chicken and would also be a constant reminder of their creepy Chihuahua mascot. “No one wants to see that thing when they’re eating” added Newman.
The Taco Bell board maintain they are within their legal rights as an American business to expand operations and offer their Crunchwrap Supreme sandwich to anyone with $2.49 and an empty stomach.
“We all want the same thing here” reminded Chairman of the Board David Novak. “We’re trying to make an extra buck like any other business, why all the commotion?”
‘We don’t need another Taco Bell’
Governor Brewer stated this wasn’t an anti-Taco stance, but did suggest Americans may have had their fill of ‘that sort of food’ and reminded Taco Bell management to respect the boundary of traditional American fried chicken and build further away, ‘like the next state… or Mexico.‘
Other Republicans have been less subtle with Senate nominee Rand Paul demanding ‘not even one more Taco Bell’ be built on American soil.
Beyond public outrage, Taco Bell will likely face additional difficulties as they struggle to find illegal Mexican labour to build and staff the restaurant anywhere in the state of Arizona.
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