JACKSON, MS – Al Qaeda have admitted they can no longer compete with fast food restaurants when it comes to killing Americans and will halt current terrorist activities to open their own burger chain.
The decision was made after seeing KFC released a new sandwich where fried chicken is the bread and Friendly’s restaurant introduce a burger where the bread is two grilled cheese sandwiches.
“The chicken is the bread! How can we compete with that?!” said number two Ayman al-Zawahri. “Our most sophisticated explosive devices cannot take as many lives as these sandwiches.”
The Islamic Terror group remained committed to carrying out atrocities against American, but will change direction by launching ‘Jihad Express Burger’ which will deal a ‘deliciously slow and agonising death to our enemies.’
“Of course we are still believe in death to America, but we have to adapt to the times” explained Zawahri. “We have developed a sandwich with beef injected chicken as the bread and a mixture of cheese and hot dog meat in between. It’s topped with one hundred percent pure trans fat. We call it the Jihad Burger. Bacon is 50 cents extra.”
Zawahri believes that the move into fast food presented the most efficient means of dealing death to immoral westerners across the country. “We can still deal death to Americans and also reduce the cost of indoctrinating new recruits after each suicide mission.”
The new plan to terrorise civilians has gone down surprisingly well in many states across the US with hungry Americans eager to taste Islamic extremist hated in burger form.
“Yeah, that burger sounds good. These guys are finally speaking my language” said one man between mouthfuls of a 72oz steak and Diet Coke.
Jihad Express Burger restaurants will open in selected locations this year. The first hundred Americans eat free.
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