New Sex Tape Contains ‘Conclusive’ Evidence of Bigfoot

OUACHITA, OK – A battle between the Discovery Channel and and Hustler TV has broken out over the rights to a sex tape said to contain ‘the most conclusive evidence yet’ of Bigfoot. The tape reportedly captures up to 5 minutes of the mythical beast amongst 37 and a half minutes of Mr and Mrs Taylor engaging in ‘freaky outdoor sex’ and has fast become the most valuable sex tape ever made. The Taylors were unaware of the wonders they had captured on film until playing it back one night to ‘stir themselves up’. “We just took a look at it for the first time a couple weeks ago and want do you know, there’s Bigfoot walking in as I was really giving it to my wife” said Mr Taylor who was also pleased at his own performance over the course of the video footage as well as the Bigfoot discovery. The two media giants are now fighting over the rights to own the footage in what has become the biggest clash of mainstream and adult entertainment since Tom Hanks refused to pay back Hugh Hefner the $1000 he owed for damages to the playboy mansion.

Our correspondent is inside the Taylor residence with more on this three way struggle.

[Chief Correspondent] Rob, are we any closer to knowing the destination of the sex tape?

[Environment Correspondent] It doesn’t look like it Chief. Neither side is giving up an inch.

[Chief Correspondent] What about the Taylors?  You’ve spoken to them?

[Environment Correspondent] No, but I have seen the evidence.

[Chief Correspondent] They let you view the tape?

[Environment Correspondent] Well…they don’t know I’m here, but I was just so committed to this story.

[Chief Correspondent] That’s great work Rob. Then you’ve seen the tape?

[Environment Correspondent] Multiple times.

[Chief Correspondent] And?

[Environment Correspondent] It’s soooo good…for science.

[Chief Correspondent] Can you verify it’s authenticity?

[Environment Correspondent] I viewed extensively.  I can’t say how long though, I lost track of time.

[Chief Correspondent] It’s 8 o’clock.

[Environment Correspondent] Then I’ve been watching it for over five hours.

[Chief Correspondent] Can you describe what happens?

[Environment Correspondent] It starts out with Mr Taylor setting up the camera while Mrs Taylor peels off–

[Chief Correspondent] No! Bigfoot. What does Bigfoot do?

[Environment Correspondent] Oh, well he just walks in and out of the shot a few times. To be honest his appearance really ruins the mood.

[Chief Correspondent] We understand that Discovery and Hustler are still desperate to get their hands on the footage?

[Environment Correspondent] That’s right. My sources tell me Hustler want the tape for a new series featuring couples having sex around mythical creatures.

[Chief Correspondent] I see.

[Environment Correspondent] They have one video of a couple going at it in front of a leprechaun, and another on top of a unicorn…

[Chief Correspondent] The tape is important for them then?

[Environment Correspondent] It’s crucial to their portfolio. The Discovery Channel will face stiff competition if they want to get it .

[Chief Correspondent] I’m sure they will push hard as this tape answers one of scene’s biggest mysteries.

[Environment Correspondent] That’s correct.  Discovery executives will be desperate to see all 37 minutes and 30 seconds of the footage.

[Chief Correspondent] I thought the Bigfoot only appears for 5 minutes?

[Environment Correspondent] You have to watch the whole thing to really appreciate it.

[Chief Correspondent] How do you see this one playing out?

[Environment Correspondent] I think it depends on who can offer the largest financial breasts.

[Chief Correspondent] Excuse me?

[Environment Correspondent] Sorry, I meant financial compensation penis–package.  Whoever can offer the largest financial compensation package will get the tape.

[Chief Correspondent] Oh, well we’ll await news of the decision.  Thanks Rob.