USA Team Criticise North Korea Over ‘Secret Weapon’

JOHANESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA – The United States football team have demanded that North Korea respond to allegations regarding it’s footballing arsenal, specifically star striker Jong Tae-se.  The warning comes as fears continue to grow over the quality of the front man, with the USA believing the communist football team may be hiding an ‘extremely dangerous player’ behind closed doors.  “Our intelligence tells us their number 9 is capable of destroying any defense in the world” said wary USA coach Bob Bradley as North Korea continue to ignore calls to reveal details of methods used in training sessions.

The team have fully isolated themselves from the other 31 at the tournament since arriving in South Africa, already refusing numerous invitations to join the all nations brunch before the games started. Both Japan and South Korea back Team USA calls for FIFA to lay down tough sanctions in hopes of forcing North Korea to comply with World Cup rules mandating teams to fully expose the capabilities of all players.  Sanctions could include capping substitutions to three for the duration of the tournament and starting every game one goal down.

Unconfirmed reports have suggested Tae-se has conducted secret training sessions and is now capable of 90% shooting accuracy from 40 yards.  Noises from the team’s base suggested they are prepared to bring him on should they be provoked, or find themselves behind in a match.

The United States team are concerned that Tae-se could potentially knock them out of the World Cup should they meet in the semi finals.  However, it’s thought the more likely scenarios will see him launched against fierce rivals South Korea. “We are worried, yes.” commented Coach Huh Jong-Moo. “Our defense is not strong and holding players do not track back as I would like.  This Tae-se could run rings around us”.

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