WASHINGTON, DC – America have drafted plans for a full-scale military incursion into Ghana after suffering a 2-1 loss at the World Cup.
President Obama called the move – which would pull the US into a third war – a defensive reaction to unprovoked attacks made by Ghanaian strikers in South Africa.
“Did you see that second goal? Ghana are a threat we cannot afford to ignore any longer. We’re going in.”
In an effort to wrap things up ‘post haste’, Commander David Petraeus has advised going with the surge strategy from the start as it has already worked so well in Iraq and Afghanistan. The US will commit up to 100,000 troops who will target football facilities members of the Ghana team are thought to have trained within.
“These players have spread to Britain and Europe” warned a somber Obama. “If we don’t stop them here, Ghana will become a breeding ground for resilient and well organised soccer players that could knock our team out of the next World Cup”.
America has been criticised for what is being called an overreaction, but foreign secretary Hilary Clinton remains adamant military action is warranted, adding that history will prove them right.
“This is the only course of action to such aggressive acts on the field of play” said Clinton who maintains the US has support from the ‘coalition of the willing teams that have also been beaten by Ghana’.
Ghana President John Atta Mills labelled team USA ‘bad losers’, while FIFA have called for restraint and pleaded to the White House to take standard channels and arrange a friendly match, a proposal which has already been dismissed as unworkable by the Obama Administration.
Once occupied, Ghana will provide a base to launch further strikes against African countries that beat Team USA in future sporting contests.
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