WASHINGTIN, DC – Barack Obama passed a landmark healthcare bill that could define his presidency, even more than the colour of his skin. Despite the bill have been deemed more watered down more Gitmo detainee, it still provokes strong reactions from Republicans who say they will continue to oppose the bill in the senate as long as it includes provisions to spend money on healthcare. Various lobby groups have also rallied against the bill in the interest of the public and this vote will come as a big blow to the vampire lobby group – who have successfully used film and TV to raise support – are one group in particular left hurting now that Americans have another option to keep themselves healthy.
I spoke with Count du Coudray, to find discuss the ramifications of this vote.
Health Correspondent: Thank you for joining me Count. I’ve err…never done an interview at night before. Have you…
du Coudray: Relax Micheal, I have already eaten. Mexican.
Health Correspondent: You fed on Javier?! Oh man…is he…is he alive?
du Coudray: Who is Javier? I ate at Taco Bell. They open all night and do wonderful burritos.
Health Correspondent: Oh…good. I don’t know how I’d explain that to his cousins.
du Coudray: Yes well, can we continue?
Health Correspondent: Of course. Vampires had lobbied intensly against this reform. Why is that?
du Coudray: Because allowing government to decide who lives and who dies is simply wrong. That should be left to the private sector.
Health Correspondent: It’s been said you want to keep Americans uninsured and easy targets for other night walkers?
du Coudray: ‘Night walkers’? Let’s avoid such derogatory terms. We’re vampires, not prostitutes.
Health Correspondent: But you see the conflict of interest? Keeping more people uninsured and sick would be benificial for you.
du Coudray: That has never been our motive. We’re only trying to protect human-Americans against socialist healthcare.
du Coudray: Everyone needs a voice.
Health Correspondent: You’ve also been accused of claiming the souls of lawmakers bending them to your will for all eternity.
du Coudray: This is no different from any other lobby group, what’s the problem?
Health Correspondent: Well…you do bite people on the neck. Isn’t that a little extreme?
du Coudray: You may not agree with our methods, but our motives are as noble as any other lobby group.
Health Correspondent: Now that the healthcare bill has been signed into law. What now for the vampire lobby?
du Coudray: The fight is not over Micheal. Fox polls show that the humans are against this bill, we can still leverage that.
Health Correspondent: Surely you’ve exhausted all your options?
du Coudray: …Micheal…
Health Correspondent: …Yes?
du Coudray: Have you ever looked into the eyes of of a human you have just turned as the life slowly drains from thier soul only to be replaced with the burning desire of the undead to satisfy aew found blood lust?
Health Correspondent: Um…no. W–Why do you ask?
du Coudray: I am still…peckish and would like to feed before the sun comes up. Burrito’s do not fill me as they once did.
Health Correspondent: Oh, s–sure, we can do this another time…I’ll have Javier show you out.
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