Christian Group Attacks Christmas Spirit

[Perry] Merry Christmas.  Um…your lights are quite…bright.

[US Correspondent] Too much?

[Perry] Well, I’m having to squint a little yes.

[US Correspondent] This is the lowest setting, sorry.  But have you seen a better tree?

[Perry] It’s very–AHH!  What was that noise!?

[US Correspondent] Chinese firecracker.  We always put one on our tree.  What do you have?

[Perry] We don’t have a tree.

[US Correspondent] Where do you keep your presents?

[Perry] We give the gift of giving.  The best gift of all.

[US Correspondent] …What?

[Perry] You know, giving selflessly to strangers in the true spirit of the season celebrating our lord and saviour.

[US Correspondent] Right…I don’t understand what you just said, so I’ll move on.  You’re part of a religious group?

[Perry] Yes, Christianity.  ‘Christians Against Commercialism’.

[US Correspondent] CAC?

[Perry] That’s correct.  We do our best to reverse the commercialised taint that has taken over Christmas.

[US Correspondent] What do you mean by that?

[Perry] Christmas has become a time of excessive greed and unnecessary spending.  While you stuff your faces, others starve.  Spending money we don’t have on gifts we don’t need is the last thing that should be on our minds.

[US Correspondent] How can you show you care without spending $50 minimum on non-refundable gifts?

[Perry] That’s not the way Christmas should be.  We pass proper traditions to our children.

[US Correspondent] Children can learn new traditions.  Manipulating parents to get the latest toy to maxing out credit cards to get toys for their kids when they get older.  What’s wrong with that?

[Perry] None of this has anything to do with our lord and saviour’s b–AHH!  JESUS FREAKING CHRIST!

[US Correspondent] I’ll switch that off.  You were saying?

[Perry] Ahem…this movement to re-brand Christmas as something for everyone regardless of religion has to stop.  ‘Happy Holidays’?  No, Merry Christmas .

[US Correspondent] You don’t believe non-Christians should be allowed to celebrate Christmas?

[Perry] Well it’s implied in the name, if you do not follow Christ how can you celebrate his–

[US Correspondent] That’s a tad extreme.  Why not round up non-secular people in camps while you’re at it…

[Perry] That’s a gross mis-representation of my words.

[US Correspondent] But you do think Christmas should only be enjoyed by Christians?

[Perry] The point is we have moved so far away from what Christmas is about.  We’re more concerned with the latest Game Boy than spending time with our families.

[US Correspondent] …I think you mean latest Nintendo DS?

[Perry] Whatever.  CAC is determined to spread the true spirit of Christmas.

[US Correspondent] How have your efforts been received this year?

[Perry] Many have welcomed us…some have been resistant.  One particular gang of youths took particular offence, reliving me of my Bible.

[US Correspondent] Maybe they took to your message?

[Perry] They used the pages to smoke with.

[US Correspondent] Oh…So how will you be spending this Christmas?

[Perry] We start the day in church, spending blessed time with our families.  We then go carol singing before stopping by the local soup kitchen, helping those less fortunate. 

The true spirit of Christmas (source: telegraph.co.uk)

[Perry] It’s not about what they can give us, they’re homeless.

[US Correspondent] That sounds like a bad deal?

[Perry] Christmas isn’t about transactions.  Doesn’t your family have any traditions?

[US Correspondent] If Jesus didn’t want us spending money on gifts, why would he deliver gifts every year?

[Perry] You mean Santa.

[US Correspondent] Right right.  Jesus, Santa.  Santa, Jesus.  So as I was saying–

[Perry] No.  You are dangerously mistaken.   Here, take my hand.

[US Correspondent] I’m flattered but I don’t swing that way…Doesn’t God frown on the sort of thing?

[Perry] I going to pray for you.

[US Correspondent] Oh…

[Perry] I ask for forgiveness Lord for this correspondent as he has been led astray by deceitful TV advertising and the many low, low discount products on offer at a range of retail stores.

[Perry] Hopefully you will be open to the true meaning of Christmas. I can tell you the best shelters that really could use some extra help this year, especially with the recession.

[US Correspondent] That sounds great, but I actually have somewhere to be.

[Perry] Perhaps on your way you’ll consider how you can help your fellow man this Christmas?

[US Correspondent] Sure, right after Macy’s After Christmas Sale.