Smokey Bear #1 Suspect in Forest Fire Arson

The huge wildfire that devastated a large area north of LA was started deliberately, say authorities in California.  The terrible forest fire claimed the lives of two firefighters causing local police to launch a homicide investigation to find the arson responsible. A breakthrough has come today as authorities name a prime suspect; Smokey the Bear.  The LA sheriff department is the lead investigative agency, with 10 detectives and 3 circus ring leaders also helping in efforts to track down the former fire safety mascot.  Guy E. “Sandy” Burnette, an attorney specialising in arson litigation believe they are close to tracking down Smokey,  “Bears do stupid things,” Burnette said. “They leave something behind. They say something to a friend, or do something that draws attention to themselves.  Like stopping to scratch thier backs on a tree.”

Our crime correspondent is at a wildlife reserve in California with more.

[Chief Correspondent] Dan, do we have any more news on the ongoing bear hunt to find Smokey?

[Crime Correspondent] At this moment, no.  He is still on the loose and should be considered feral and dangerous.

[Chief Correspondent] What led investigators to name Smokey the Bear as their main suspect?

[Crime Correspondent] It was an anonymous tip that led detectives in the direction of the bear.  A honey pot was left outside of local sheriff’s doorstep.  No name was given, just the initials “W.P”.  What that means  is anyone’s guess.

[Chief Correspondent] Very cryptic.  Just how has Smokey gone from being a symbol for forest fire prevention to perpetrating such an act of destruction and irony?

[Crime Correspondent] This is a classic case of a public figure’s persona not matching the individual.  Those who knew Smokey will tell you that he hadn’t been the fun loving, pragmatic bear we all saw.

[Chief Correspondent] This isn’t the first time Smokey had been in trouble?

[Crime Correspondent] Not at all, this is just the latest in a string of incidents involving Smokey and his associates.

[Chief Correspondent] Associates?

[Crime Correspondent] Yes.  He had become mixed up with notorious characters, Fozzie Bear and Yogi Bear.  Together the three were known as the ‘Goodfellas’.

[Chief Correspondent] These are just characters from children’s TV?  The worst I saw Yogi do was steal picnic baskets.

[Crime Correspondent] A dangerous and tragic misconception….These bears are bad news. What was never exposed is how Yogi used those baskets to traffic munitions and narcotics in and out of Jellystone Park. They always said Yogi had it better than a millionaire…that’s because he made billions from his racketeering activities.

[Chief Correspondent] I had no idea.

[Crime Correspondent] And Fozzie Bear – the alleged ringer leader of the group – is known to have a very short fuse and a firm fist, often beating on other cast members.  Ever wonder why Miss Piggy wore so much make up…Smokey was mixed in with some bad people.

[Chief Correspondent] So you’re saying this forest fire incident is just another symptom of a troubled individual?

[Crime Correspondent] Once he became accustomed to slapping others around and stealing rangers’ pic-a-nic baskets, it was only a matter of time before he graduated to hard drugs and then felony homicide.  It’s a classic pattern.

[Chief Correspondent] Smokey was a drug addict too?

[Crime Correspondent] Of course.  Where you you think he got the name “Smokey”?

[Chief Correspondent] Right.  You said you were at a wildlife reserve, what you doing there?

[Crime Correspondent] I was informed by a source that Smokey had been apprehended here…but it turned out some no name bear had been illegally gunned down by poachers.  I’ll be looking for a new source now.

[Chief Correspondent] Do we know how detectives plan to apprehend Smokey?

[Crime Correspondent] Fish bones found near the fire’s point of origin are being examined by forensic teams as we speak. A reward of $150,000 is also being offered for people with information about Smokey or his known associates.

[Chief Correspondent] Will there be any conflict in detectives on the case? It’s no secret that many of them worked closely with Smokey?

[Crime Correspondent] I’ve spoken to a number of the men and women involved – many of whom would have worked with Smokey to educate young people on the dangers of forest fires – and they assure me they will put their feeling aside and “hunt down Smokey like we would a killer or rapist”.

[Chief Correspondent] It sounds like they will get him eventually?

[Crime Correspondent] I’m sure of it.  He’ll will soon be brought to justice and when he is, he’ll spend 25 to life as a luxury rug.

[Chief Correspondent] Let’s hope so.