CLEVELAND – A local black man was found dead in his home days after announcing to friends and relatives that he had discovered the secret blend of 11 herbs and spices in KFC’s brand of fried chicken.
Local police, who had previously treated the case with indifference, were forced to acknowledge the possibility of foul play as suspicions that the fast food chain may have been involved in the death of Mr Douglas surfaced on Twitter.
Rumors went into overdrive when the news that an empty KFC family bucket was found at the scene in addition to a discharged 9mm pistol.
Ron Douglas, 34, suffered a single bullet wound to the head. He is survived by a wife and two children.
Our correspondent is at the Douglas home with more.
[Chief Correspondent] Dan, what is the latest news on these tragic events?
[Crime Correspondent] It looks like definite foul play in what is now being treated…as a homicide.
[Chief Correspondent] Give us some background. What kind of man was Ron Douglas?
[Crime Correspondent] By all accounts an average black man…which of course meant he was obsessed with chicken.
[Chief Correspondent] We understand that he had discovered the secret to KFC’s recipe?
[Crime Correspondent] He is understood to have told friends he had indeed found the secret to the Colonel’s secret recipe, though we have no proof as of yet.
[Chief Correspondent] Why has no evidence materialised?
[Crime Correspondent] There were only trace amounts of chicken found by the body, barely enough for a Two Piece.
[Chief Correspondent] Could it be he died from eating too much chicken? Why is this being treated as a homicide?
[Crime Correspondent] That was the initial assumption. But after being convinced to actually visit the home before declaring the case shut, police found a gun and traces of blood mixed with chicken grease.
[Chief Correspondent] Then this is definitely murder?
[Crime Correspondent] Almost certainly. Police believe that Mr Douglas was involved in an altercation with an unknown black individual over of the possession of a family bucket. The absence of any chicken at the scene…and the body, suggest that Mr Douglas lost this battle.
[Chief Correspondent] There are reports that Mr Douglas had in fact discovered the secret spices and was killed to keep the secret…secret. Is this something local forces are considering?
[Crime Correspondent] I questioned the officers at the scene about this and it was quickly laughed off as a “silly conspiracy”. Despite this, it was known there was history between the fast food chain and Mr Douglas.
[Chief Correspondent] What do you mean?
[Crime Correspondent] It appears that Mr Douglas had been on a mission to uncover the ingredients of KFC chicken for a while, even going as far as to start a website detailing the work he had done so far. The last post on this site was titled “I’ve done it!”
[Chief Correspondent] Are you saying that KFC did have something to do with this?
[Crime Correspondent] I’m saying there are unanswered questions.
[Chief Correspondent] Has there been any comment from KFC?
[Crime Correspondent] Thus far they have been tight-lipped. A statement was released when the accusations were brought directly to them by angry chicken lovers:
“Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices is one of the most famous recipes in the world and the precautions taken to safeguard the identity of the ingredients are second to none. Many people have tried to duplicate the recipe over the years and no wanna be George Foreman is going to get one over on us. There is still only one place to get the authentic Original Recipe Chicken and it’s not at some negro’s house.”
[Chief Correspondent] Did they give anything more specific?
[Crime Correspondent] I did speak to a spoke person for the chain and they strenuously deny any involvement.
[Chief Correspondent] Have the local police actually turned up any evidence that suggests their involvement?
[Crime Correspondent] As well as the professional way that Mr Douglas was killed, his website was also mysteriously inaccessible toda…Apart from that, nothing.
[Chief Correspondent] Are we reading too much into this? Is it unfair to think that a huge corporation would actually commit murder and ruin families just to protect their profit?
[Crime Correspondent] …I guess not, it does sound ridiculous now that I think about it.
[Chief Correspondent] What will happen to the family now?
[Crime Correspondent] KFC representatives sent two family buckets, with extra biscuits, to the Douglas home to help them through this traumatic period.
[Chief Correspondent] Then it all worked out in the end.
[Crime Correspondent] They seem happy, yeah.
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