World Health Organization head Margaret Chan recently labelled swine flu ‘unstoppable’ as global deaths linked to the pandemic past 700 making it poised to become the biggest global pandemic since the macarena, which claimed the lives of millions and left survivors robbed of any dignity. Now the devastating effect on human life has attracted the attention of Islamic terror groups with possible links to al-Queda, who have make brazen attempts to associate themselves with the spread of the virus as part of a campaign to boost flagging recruitment numbers. The colonel of terror himself, Osama Bin Laden has even released a new video tape in which he reminds Jihadists of the need to mimic swine flu in to defeat ‘western infidels’.
We caught up with our resident terrorism correspondent to find out more.
[Chief Correspondent] Victoria, what can you tell us about these efforts by Islamic terror groups with possible links to al-Queda?
[Terror Correspondent] I can tell you that international terrorism has taken an unexpected…and somewhat ironic turn as extremists are indeed embracing pigs in an effort to take responsibility for swine flu.
[Chief Correspondent] Why are they only now trying link themselves to swine flu?
[Terror Correspondent] Who knew swine flu was going to be such a bit hit? We all underestimated its life taking potential including the terrorists.
[Chief Correspondent] So how do they expect the public to believe the flu is a result of their actions?
[Terror Correspondent] Through a number of public relations campaigns. One Jihadist website reported a doubling in recruitment figures after launching thier “Fry It, Eat It, Kill Like It” campaign.
[Chief Correspondent] What about the others?
[Terror Correspondent] There are groups that have actually stopped burning US flags…and started eating US pork in an attempt to convince the public that they are responsible for the virus. You have to give it to them, these Jihadists sure are innovative.
[Chief Correspondent] Yes, but we’ve been happily blaming Mexico for the flu up till now. Can public opinion really be changed?
[Terror Correspondent] Remember, it took Osama Bin Laden years to fess up to 9/11. People actually thought it was some kind of crazy conspiracy…as if. No, there’s still plenty of time to change public opinion.
[Chief Correspondent] What kind of human being would seek to profit from a killer virus? I just don’t get it.
[Terror Correspondent] That’s because you’re thinking like a well adjusted American, unable to grasp the concepts of initiating the untold loss of life and panic for purely self serving ambitions…You have to think like a terrorist.
[Chief Correspondent] How so?
[Terror Correspondent] The virus causes panic and death…terrorists love killing people. The virus is biased against westerners…terrorists hate westerners. The virus has been in the media non stop…terrorists are well known attention seekers. It’s a good match.
[Chief Correspondent] But why go through all this effort? Why not just launch a bio attack?
[Terror Correspondent] …Do you have any idea what a bio attack would cost to carry out? Not even militant extremism is unaffected by the recession. Swine flu has already done the leg work in getting the public scared and witless. If one of these groups becomes the face of a global pandemic, they get the credit at a fraction of the cost…that’s just good business.
[Chief Correspondent] What has been the reaction from world health officials?
[Terror Correspondent] Reports suggest the W.H.O are livid that Islamic terror groups with possible links to al-Queda are ‘trying to take swine flu away from us’ and are prepared to launch a ‘PR War On Terror’ to ensure they retain control of the public state of panic.
[Chief Correspondent] It appears the takeaway from all this is to remain fearful? If the swine flu doesn’t kill us these terror groups will?
[Terror Correspondent] That or global warming…I hear it’s still out there.
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