Barack Obama returned from Ghana this week after going AWOL from the recent G8 summit in Italy. Fans and political figures alike were stunned when Obama abruptly walked out of the 3 day summit where he was expected to solve the climate change crisis, world hunger and 600 rubix cubes. During a speech on hope at the meeting of world leaders, President Obama stormed from the stage whilst berating his audience for constantly screaming “Yes we can!” a slogan he became famous for during the 2008 campaign. Not much was known about the President’s whereabouts since the White House issued a statement regarding his unscheduled departure to the dark continent. When questioned, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs replied: “We don’t know where he is. We don’t know. We haven’t talked to Barack”. Since his return, speculation has been rife that President Obama had checked into a mental health clinic in Africa to help cope with stress and drug abuse.
Our correspondent has more details.
[Chief Correspondent] Nathan, just what is going on with the president?
[Africa Correspondent] This is a completely unexpected situation…the guy always looked so composed. Who would’ve seen it coming?
[Chief Correspondent] Are you able to shed any light?
[Africa Correspondent] Well I can confirm that Barack Obama has returned from Africa and is transitioning back into his regular duties. Even taking time to pitch at the All-Stars game. Dispelling long held beliefs that baseball could only be played aided by steroids.
[Chief Correspondent] We’ll come to the drugs in a moment. But first, what caused him to swap the White House for a mud hut?
[Africa Correspondent] It looks like the presidential lifestyle caught up with him. He’s stated that he disliked working 20 hour days and that he needed time to collect his thoughts. He also struggled to cope with his new status as world’s most famous man after Michael Jackson’s tragic but lucrative death.
[Chief Correspondent] What do we know of the events in the aftermath of him walking out of the summit?
[Africa Correspondent] I’m told after leaving the stage at the G8 speech, the President commandeered Air force One and headed straight for the west coast of Africa, evading Secret Service agents in the process.
[Chief Correspondent] You’re saying the President hijacked his own plane?
[Africa Correspondent] In a manner of speaking, yes. Now, the plane has turned up but there is no news of the pilot who was believed to be on the plane at the time…his family have been notified.
[Chief Correspondent] Many credible news outlets such as Fox reported that he checked into a mental health clinic to cope with his drug habit. Is there any truth to this?
[Africa Correspondent] The story of drug addiction has been strenuously denied, but Barack Obama has admitted having a 40 minute consultation with a local witch doctor.
[Chief Correspondent] How can we be sure he wasn’t abusing when nothing was known of his movements?
[Africa Correspondent] He continued to update his Twitter feed whilst on the run. One post stated, ‘I’m not high, and I’m not smoking crack…just need to think’. This was corroborated by his Facebook update, ‘This is kind of my spot where I can come to fill my spirit back up. Sometimes you neglect these things if you are running on a presidential schedule ‘.
[Chief Correspondent] What does this do to foreign policy? Have you been able to gauge the reaction from world leaders ?
[Africa Correspondent] The stunt has cause some mixed reactions, though Ghanaian President is said to be happy the President chose Ghana to have the biggest mental breakdown seen since Britney shaved her head.
[Chief Correspondent] Perhaps this episode reflects the disproportionate expectations placed on Barack Obama to solve the worlds problems in a scant 4 years and serves as a sign that we should be more realistic with regard to what can be accomplished from just one man?
[Africa Correspondent] …No. Not at all. This is simply a man venting in a way that belies his African roots. However, this will continue to fuel right wing criticism, raising the question of whether a black president is ready for America.
[Chief Correspondent] We’ll continue to monitor the situation.
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