Continued from Part 1.
[Environmental Correspondent] Shall be begin?
[Dr. Clifford] I must say I’m not entirely sure why we are continuing this debate. It’s clear we won’t come to any agreement.
[Environmental Correspondent] I think we can. Just take a step out of your ivory tower.
[Dr. Clifford] If you are not prepared to have a rational discussion then I see no reason to continue.
[Man enters room]
[Unknown man] We’re here for the panel and–oh. I’m interrupting.
[Environmental Correspondent] It’s OK Murphy. We’ll start once I’m done here.
[Murphy] OK, we’ll be outside then.
[Environmental Correspondent] Why don’t you join us? We’re talking global warming with Dr. Clifford here.
[Murphy] Ah a scientist. So you know how dire the situation is. How long do we have?
[Dr. Clifford] How long?
[Environmental Correspondent] Err, Murphy. No, this guy doesn’t believe.
[Murphy] He doesn’t believe in global warming!?
[Environmental Correspondent] In his over educated opinion, we’re overreacting to media hype.
[Murphy] OVERREACTING! Rising temperatures are a greater threat than nuclear war! THIS IS REAL!
[Environmental Correspondent] He’s not accepting responsibility. He even tried telling me the sun is responsible for the warming. Some song and dance about sun spots.
[Murphy] The sun has nothing to do with warming. That’s crazy. Did you tell him that’s crazy?
[Environmental Correspondent] Yeah, I don’t think he’s getting it.
[Murphy] He knows Al Gore has confirmed all of this? It’s irrefutable.
[Environmental Correspondent] Don’t get him started on that one. I think Al Gore slept with his wife.
[Dr. Clifford] Um, I am still here you know. I can hear you.
[Murphy] Oh…You dare question the link between CO2 and global warming? How can you be so blind man.
[Dr. Clifford] As I explained earlier, Murphy. The link between CO2 and temperature increases is tenuous at best. I fear the rash, ill-informed actions of governments will only serve to turn a quick profit for some and exert more control over the rest.
[Murphy] And I suppose you don’t see any link between Hitler and the Holocaust? How ’bout HIV and AIDS? You disgust me.
[Dr. Clifford] You would compare slight temperature increases with the deaths of millions?
[Murphy] Millions of lives will be at risk if non-believers like you continue to do nothing to stop the climate from heating. You may as well be committing genocide.
[Dr. Clifford] Amazing! If the climate is heating, how do you explain the colder temperatures?
[Murphy] CO2 makes the planet warmer and colder. It’s called climate extremes you quack.
[Dr. Clifford] You don’t know what you’re talking about. “Global warming”, “climate change”, “climate extremes”? These are all different beasts. Get your story straight Murphy. Hotter or colder, which is it?
[Murphy] All I need to know it CO2 is the enemy and we must act now. How much are they paying you?
[Dr. Clifford] What?
[Murphy] How much is big oil paying you to look the other way? A lump sum for every species extinct, or every city wiped out by rising sea levels?
[Dr. Clifford] Sea levels have been rising at a constant rate for years now. You’re talking nonsense.
[Murphy] Am I? AM I!? How do you even look yourself in the mirror, you monster.
[Dr. Clifford] I didn’t come here to be vilified for expressing scientific opinion, and I receive no support from any oil company.
[Environmental Correspondent] You do have a car though? The oil companies technically fund you. That’s a conflict of interest right there.
[Murphy] Ha! We got you now.
[Dr. Clifford] Surely you also drive?
[Environmental Correspondent] A hybrid. My conscience is clean.
[Murphy] That’s right, we’re all sacrificing. I don’t used any oil based products. That means no deodorant and brushing my teeth with baking soda on a stick. So back to you Mr “Objective Science”.
[Dr. Clifford] This is absurd. I came here to have a mature discussion, not to be treated like a criminal.
[Murphy] You should have thought of that before you opened your mouth and denounced global warming when the evidence is right in front of your four eyes. I can’t even stand to be in the same room as you. People like you make me sick.
[Murphy leaves room]
[Dr. Clifford] Did you plan this? Have your cronies come and harass me until I cave in to the global warming hysteria?
[Environmental Correspondent] Not at all. Murphy just gets animated sometimes. Some people still care about this planet.
[Dr. Clifford] This is going nowhere. You can enjoy your restrictive policies and carbon taxes.
[Environmental Correspondent] Whatever it takes to save us from complete destruction. Speaking of which…You owe $1000.
[Dr. Clifford] Excuse me?
[Environmental Correspondent] We accept major credit cards, or PayPal. Whatever works for you.
[Dr. Clifford] What in heavens name are you talking about?
[Environmental Correspondent] The cost of offsetting the CO2 produced by this interview. Let’s see…You drove, so that’s about 20 pounds of CO2. Then there was the lights for the studio, another 10 pounds. The heating, about 15 pound. Don’t forget all the CO2 produced by us talking, at least 5 pounds. Oh, and I used Google to search for your report, that’s 7 grams there. I think that comes to a full figured $1000.
[Dr. Clifford] Did you just make those numbers up!? I never agreed to this.
[Environmental Correspondent] It’s in the contract for this interview, right here in the small print. You give money to offset the cost of the CO2 produced in the interview and we take that money and invest it in something green.
[Dr. Clifford] Like what!?
[Environmental Correspondent] …Well I still haven’t paid off my Prius. So about that money…
[Dr. Clifford] Absolutely not.
[Environmental Correspondent] You really have so little compassion, you wouldn’t give a mere $1000 to save our species?
[Dr. Clifford] How does you buying a Prius help save humanity?
[Environmental Correspondent] It just does. I don’t have time to explain…the panel is about to start.
[Dr. Clifford] Fine! You know what? Take it. I hope you people are happy.
[Environmental Correspondent] It’s all for the good of man kind. You can thank me later.
[Dr. Clifford] Don’t patronise me.
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